Stress at home
- Thread starter Luvkenny
- Start date
gina121
Member
I'm sorry to hear that you experience so much pressure at home. A home is like a haven, a worry-free space to just relax and let your worldly problems fade away. I do hope you are able to take steps in improving the situation at home. Meanwhile, it might help to meditate for a few minutes everyday to help you deal with your stress.
beckyv1265
Member
Meditation sounds great. I occasionaly have to lock myself in the bathroom with a good book. With six children still living at home I rarely ever get time thats not stressful away from the children. So what is causing your stress?
I'm also very sorry to hear that you have a stress at home. I know from my own experience that this is the most difficult thing to bear. I don't know your personal habits too well to offer any good advice but one thing is sure: you should get plenty of rest. Even if it can be hard for you to sleep at night, this is the most important way to deal with stress.
marlinealcott
Member
Thanks for this post, I relate SO much. I have a lot of stress at home due to problems with my boyfriend. He has a lot of emotional issues and at times he is very mean to me. I left him once in the past because I felt he was too emotionally abusive to live with due to his own imbalances. He improved a lot and did a lot of work on himself and I took him back, but it is still so incredibly difficult at times. Our relationship is really up and down and I also think it is making me ill.
People tell me to leave, but when you love someone and have built a life together it's never that simple. I am trying to figure out how to make things better, I can't live with this stress anymore either.
People tell me to leave, but when you love someone and have built a life together it's never that simple. I am trying to figure out how to make things better, I can't live with this stress anymore either.
jovan107
Member
Sorry to hear you are under so much stressed. Before purchasing my home, I was under a lot of stress living with my family. I am normally the first person who gets asked a question or asked to do something. I never had anytime to relax or do things that I wanted to do, until I made the decision to move. I moved a few miles away for my sanity, comfort, and to enjoy life.
classicnyer
Member
I can definitely relate to stress at home, especially since I was homeless for a while and then for a while after that I was living with a man who was taking advantage of my misfortune in every way he could. It's the worst thing to not have that safe space to come home to. I agree with you: if there is anything you can do to change your home situation you should do it. I for one am so glad I got away from that user...
Kaybee517
Member
Sorry to hear your place of solitude is turning into a place of severe stress. Yes, definitely make whatever changes you need to to make your home a peaceful one. The pressures of life outside the home is more than enough to deal with and as we know too much stress will kill you. I hope things work out for you.
marlinealcott
Member
Hmm... It sure seems like a lot of people have this problem.
claudine
Member
I'm also under a lot of pressure at my home, so I can say from my own experience that it's awful. Home should be a safe place where you can relax. Right now I'm forced by circumstances to live with my parents at their house and I'm an adult, I have my own habits, so we are fighting almost all the time. I'm dreaming about moving out.
marlinealcott
Member
Ugh, that's how it was for me too. I moved from living with them, to living on my own, to living with my boyfriend. I have to say, living with my boyfriend makes living with my parents look easy.
At this point I think living on your own is probably the only way to live stress free. My boyfriend tries, he does a lot of good, but there are so many things that are just so frustrating. Like this morning, I wake up to a sink full of dirty dishes and a filthy kitchen and have to do 20 minutes of work before I can even have my breakfast. This really sucks when waking up at 6am to get ready for work. It also sucks because we have a cockroach problem and we're spending money trying to take care of it and I've told him we have to have everything cleaned up at night because that's when they come out. I've talked to him countless times about cleaning up after himself (this after I scrubbed this entire apartment from floor to ceilings this weekend, too) and he always acts annoyed with me when I bring things up for discussion. I've told him that if he wants a housewife who will literally do EVERY dish, all the chores, then he needs to let me quit my job so I can stay home full time and he can support me while I support all of his cooking and cleaning needs. If he wants to require me to work (he does) then he needs to carry some of the weight of the household tasks.
The problem is, he doesn't give a crap if the house is clean or if the dishes are done. He has an endless tolerance for filth, where as I do NOT. When he was living alone his house was completely disgusting, it would only ever get cleaned when I came to visit him. That's what sucks so bad about this. I don't think he's doing stuff like this to be a jerk. I don't even think he notices that there are dishes, or understands that it will upset me, despite the fact that I've talked to him so many times about this.
I really feel like his parents must have spoiled him a lot and it kind of makes me sick. I was raised to do my own dishes, and not only that, but in our home every single dish, and the countertops were to be washed after using the kitchen. Right after--every time! It's really difficult to go from that way of life to living with someone who constantly seems to be countering your efforts to keep clean.
Sorry for the long rant. We have other issues too but stuff like this is part of our day-to-day stress. I don't want to complain to him about it because then we just have a fight. I was hoping that writing about it here would help me just breathe and let it go and go to work with it out of my head. It did help a little, so thanks for allowing me to vent.
At this point I think living on your own is probably the only way to live stress free. My boyfriend tries, he does a lot of good, but there are so many things that are just so frustrating. Like this morning, I wake up to a sink full of dirty dishes and a filthy kitchen and have to do 20 minutes of work before I can even have my breakfast. This really sucks when waking up at 6am to get ready for work. It also sucks because we have a cockroach problem and we're spending money trying to take care of it and I've told him we have to have everything cleaned up at night because that's when they come out. I've talked to him countless times about cleaning up after himself (this after I scrubbed this entire apartment from floor to ceilings this weekend, too) and he always acts annoyed with me when I bring things up for discussion. I've told him that if he wants a housewife who will literally do EVERY dish, all the chores, then he needs to let me quit my job so I can stay home full time and he can support me while I support all of his cooking and cleaning needs. If he wants to require me to work (he does) then he needs to carry some of the weight of the household tasks.
The problem is, he doesn't give a crap if the house is clean or if the dishes are done. He has an endless tolerance for filth, where as I do NOT. When he was living alone his house was completely disgusting, it would only ever get cleaned when I came to visit him. That's what sucks so bad about this. I don't think he's doing stuff like this to be a jerk. I don't even think he notices that there are dishes, or understands that it will upset me, despite the fact that I've talked to him so many times about this.
I really feel like his parents must have spoiled him a lot and it kind of makes me sick. I was raised to do my own dishes, and not only that, but in our home every single dish, and the countertops were to be washed after using the kitchen. Right after--every time! It's really difficult to go from that way of life to living with someone who constantly seems to be countering your efforts to keep clean.
Sorry for the long rant. We have other issues too but stuff like this is part of our day-to-day stress. I don't want to complain to him about it because then we just have a fight. I was hoping that writing about it here would help me just breathe and let it go and go to work with it out of my head. It did help a little, so thanks for allowing me to vent.
chabella
All Lady
Meditation is a wonder form of relaxation and release when things get too hot around the collar. My home life has been turned upside down lately with house renovation work and while its finally coming to an end, it is not soon enough. Take a break, go treat yourself to a nice day (or evening) out to relax and let go a little.
classicnyer
Member
He can't "require" you to work. Tell him that you're quitting your job so that you can take care of the house for him. Or else tell him that you're moving out because his house is too filthy for you to live in. Or, if he insists on "requirements," you can "require" him to hire and pay for a maid.
classicnyer
Member
That's how I feel, now, as well. I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to come home to four solid walls, food in the fridge, heat in the winter, and a husband who truly loves me. This is much, much better than how I was "living" before.
marlinealcott
Member
Well, he can't require me to work but he doesn't have to pay my way or help take care of me at all. Sometimes he seems to want to take care of me, other times he seems to resent me for wanting a typical male works/female takes care of the home type relationship situation. I don't expect him to take care of me, that's the thing. I pay half the rent here! He says just "getting by" isn't enough. Well too bad. I just know how to live with very little money and I'm okay living that way as a trade for having to work less. I've been a "starving artist" all my adult life. Even when I was single I managed to take long periods of time without working due to having money saved up, or just spending very little.
His issue is he wants to save for the future and do all sorts of stuff that requires money, and I've tried to tell him that I am not the girl you should be with if you want a partner who is rich. As long as I'm not draining his funds (I'm not, I barely ask for anything) then he has no right to comment on what I do with my time because he's no worse off than he would be on his own. He's better than how he would be on his own because he'd be paying FULL rent then.
He seems to have relaxed on this issue lately, which is good because I am not going to change and it would definitely be a dealbreaker for me to have to get nagged that I'm not making money for the rest of my life. All I want is to write my books, and have time to myself, and if I'm poor, I don't care. I don't do or need anything that requires much money. If he wants to make a lot of money and take me along for the ride, that's fine. But he better not resent me for not being like him or having those same priorities.