Won't Listen

[enthusiast]

What can you do when your spouse accuses you of griping and complaining and will not listen every time you try to share your feelings with him? It brings on stress when he does that and we all know stress is not good.

 

[Myrrh]

I don't mean to present a stereotype of men , but I guess most men are wired that way. They're not usually into talking and sharing of feelings. When faced with an issue, they prefer to retreat into their 'cave'.

 

[unhealthy]

I think it might be the old 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus' thing. You might be trying to share your feelings but he might just be hearing it as complaining.

 

[enthusiast]

I sure do wish men would visit Venus, or at least read that book. They really do need to learn how to listen and communicate. I think accusing the woman of complaining is their way of not having to acknowledge that something the woman brings up needs to be dealt with. It really stresses me.

 

[boobah]

I agree, men work by actions where woman work by words. That is not an excuse though, I don't care what anyone says, communication is equally important as actions.

 

[SoftRain]

I think maybe you should write him a letter explaining how it makes you feel when he dismisses your feelings. Sometimes that helps; it gives you time to carefully consider what to say, and him time to think about it without being on the spot.

 

[question]

I have the same problems with my spouse sometimes. For example, I saw a roach in the house and I was adamant that we spend the money to get the house fumigated. He got angry at me for complaining and tried to make it seem like I was over reacting. I am sorry, there is no such thing as over reacting when it comes to roaches. Maybe I will write him a letter and explain the thousands of reasons they are bad. Of course I think he must know that, he just doesn't want to deal with it. But ignoring a roach problem is the worst think you can do. I usually consult him on big purchases but I have went ahead and called an exterminator and he can just suck it up.

 

[Bianca]

Part of it is going to be *how* you talk to him about stuff, too. A lot of books recommend that you use "I feel" statements instead of "You" statements, and that is really good advice, I think.

 

[chabella]

Smack him.

Really though sometimes people no matter what the sex have times when they will not listen. Every now and then we get into a "you are not listening to me while I am trying to explain" deal ad most times within 2 hours we are fine. I guess that is what marriage is.