Older sibling disagreement

[chabella]

I have two older siblings who think that just because they are a wee bit older, they know everything. What happens though when I know without a doubt what they are doing is just harming themselves? I try to avoid people like this in general but when its family its different.

 

[enthusiast]

Unfortunately, there probably isn't much you can do. If they won't listen and think they know everything, they'll probably have to learn the hard way. It's sad, I know.

 

[chabella]

I think the only reason it bothers me is that I then get hounded for not staying in touch with people. Honestly, if it was not for the awesome nieces and nephews that I have, I would have done so by now.

 

[enthusiast]

Having siblings like that makes it hard. I have a sister that is just nasty to me. I tried to have a relationship with her for many years before I gave up. Now, we live several hundred miles apart and we don't keep in touch. The last time we did, she accused me of being crazy and needing psychological help...and she's the one who is on Prozac! Sometimes, all you can do is let them go their way. If they are the ones hounding you, I don't think you should be concerned about it.

 

[chabella]

One of mine is kind of like a twin to your own. This one is always "pity me" yet never does anything to change the issues that hinder her. And the second you are turned around she will bad mouth you, no matter who you are, if you are not her you are not perfect.

 

[Victoria]

I really dislike people like that and I have some of them in my family. It makes me want to avoid some of my family functions because I don't want to deal with them. At least it's only once or twice a year.

 

[Jasmyne]

I've been married for more than a 1/4 century now, and I've 'lost' so many family to infighting and disagreements.... but for one or two members, we have absolutely no contact with my husbands family, and very very little with my own extended family.

Fugly family is sort of like a genetic disease: you inherit them. But you do not have to 'keep' them, if you get my gist. I love my family (ok, 2 of hubby's I loathe outright, and justifiably so: you don't accuse innocents of abuse of elders and subject them to a full investigation), but there's a difference between LOVE and LIKE.... and I don't LIKE a LOT of those brats.

 

[chabella]

I am starting to feel that either I need to be honest which I would prefer or end up keeping my mouth shut and living life hearing "but you never visit me" or "why are you too busy for family".

I am not too busy, I am living a normal life. I work hard and when I am not working or sleeping or taking care of my kids I am spending time with my kids or my spouse. These people who complain about it refuse to get a job, neglect their kids and think life is all about them and only them. Its not really the people I want to associate with, ever.

 

[enthusiast]

It doesn't sound like it could get much worse for you. I suggest being honest with them. It might mean that they get angry at you, but it sounds like they are going to be angry at someone. Believe me, the peace of mind in not being around people like that, even if they are family, is worth it.

 

[Nature]

lol telling the truth to your family only gets you targeted or labeled as something, i stopped talking to my sister cause...well.. you can't talk to that moron, she is a total idiot.
she is the kid who thinks she has been around for a million years she preaches about crap she don't know, butts in to other peoples business, and when she has friends around she is even more animated it's so infuriating just all around bitc*, she is only 16 and loud as a fog horn walking in and out of the house yelling about stupid ****, just everything about her i loath. it started more so when a cousin came up to me saying that my sister tells people she don't have a brother when people ask...see there is no coming back from that at alllllllll, and my mother and father don't do crap about that little ****, no punishments, no justice. so once i move no contact will be made to that heartless *****. i feel sorry for mom and dad for raising that idiot. and as for me im really quiet i keep to myself i have my own agenda, yet i feel really tense around my family, like not happy, im only happy when i am alone and doing my own thing. im outgoing on my own level.

 

[chabella]

I am tried of these people, family or not trying to drag me down. If they want to be lazy and mooch off the gov that is fine, thats them but its not me. And I am not about to let the teachings of my kids go out the window because they let their own kids run rampant.

 

[StingingNettle]

Boundaries, why is it so hard with family?

I have a family member like that and it took us having some time apart for me to be able to finally get across to her that she really couldn't act that way to me. This person is less then 2 years older then me, yet acts like I couldn't possibly know what I'm doing in life. My life is more in control then hers, by far.

Anyway, I'm all for honest and setting boundaries. Just be prepared that they may chose not to be around you for awhile. Sometimes that really is a good thing.

 

[SoftRain]

Next time your siblings ask why you don't "have time for family", tell them you have other obligations in your own life, such as your wife and kids, and if they really push it, tell them how their own behavior makes you less likely to contact them.

 

[chabella]

StingingNettle that is how I feel but now on top of this one we have a cousin who is just going off the wall at us for something that is her kids fault. It seems like when it rains it pours for sure.

 

[Nature]

if kids are stupid and ignorant it's there parent's fault.

 

[StingingNettle]

StingingNettle that is how I feel but now on top of this one we have a cousin who is just going off the wall at us for something that is her kids fault. It seems like when it rains it pours for sure.

Yeah, you are never going to win if pitted against someone's kid. People just aren't rational about their kids, I think. In a case like that, it is often best just to wait it out and let it blow over a bit.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this!