Boyfriend's Smoking Habit

[SEA81]

I'm not sure if anyone has any advice here, but I've recently started dating someone I was involved with several years ago. I'm not sure if this is going to work out or not, but even as just a friend, I really worry about how much he smokes. He smoked a lot back in the day, but now he seems to constantly have a cigarette in his mouth. He's been under a lot of stress professionally in recent years, but he smokes several packs a day.

I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend, so I rarely say anything to him. He's a vegan and very into natural/healthy living, but this smoking thing is anything but! Is there something I can do that would help? Have there ever been any herbs that successfully helped people stop or, at least, cut back on smoking?

 

[Sarah C.]

Oh boy! This is a hard one. I used to date someone that smoked a lot as well. And one of the pains is that they cannot go for long without one! You feel like you are chained to cigarettes, even if you are not the one smoking. If they run out, you have to make the emergency run to get them and so forth.

It is also unhealthy for you to be breathing it in. Does he smoke around or near you?

You need to decide if this is something you can live with, as it will be up to him if he quits or not. You cannot make that decision for him. However, I would say something, and it may be the thing he needs to hear to consider quitting.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out the way you want it to!

 

[classicnyer]

I'm not sure if anyone has any advice here, but I've recently started dating someone I was involved with several years ago. I'm not sure if this is going to work out or not, but even as just a friend, I really worry about how much he smokes. He smoked a lot back in the day, but now he seems to constantly have a cigarette in his mouth. He's been under a lot of stress professionally in recent years, but he smokes several packs a day.

I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend, so I rarely say anything to him. He's a vegan and very into natural/healthy living, but this smoking thing is anything but! Is there something I can do that would help? Have there ever been any herbs that successfully helped people stop or, at least, cut back on smoking?

He's not going to quit unless he wants to. If he doesn't want to quit, then you have to think about whether or not that's something you can live with. Personally, I can't. My husband used to be a smoker. I told him that I wouldn't marry him unless he quit smoking. He wears a patch now.

I recently read an article that said that bananas were good for people who were quitting smoking. I don't know how true that is, but my husband eats bananas all the time, so maybe it does work?

I'll link to the article here: Go bananas with this amazingly healthy super-food! | TechRetriever

 

[MoringaUSA]

If he cares about himself, he will know that you care about him when you tell him to stop...so tell him

 

[Irma]

Healthy relationships are based on honesty, so tell him about your concern. He has a nicotine addiction. Perhaps if you are honest and offer him your support you will both benefit.

 

[4leafclover]

No matter how healthy his eating habits were, his smoking will definitely kill him. I think things really have to meet in between so the best thing to do is tell him how concerned your are to his health because of his smoking habits. Help him to change for good, if he won't its up for you to stay or leave.

 

[magickat]

The problem in this kind of situation is that the smoker has to want to give up, or it just won't work. Perhaps you could encourage him to cut down for now? Or provide other ideas for stress relief that he could do instead of smoking, to take his mind off it.

 

[shaunche]

It all depends on whether he wants to quit smoking. There is not much you can do if he has no intention of quitting. I managed to quit by going cold turkey, the first two weeks are extremely difficult, but after that it is just a matter of will power.

 

[james]

If you care about your boyfriend just advice him to not to spoke. Let you and your boyfriend can try yoga. Yoga is the best way to come out from smoking.

 

[Victor Leigh]

There's something you can try. Get hold of Yerba Mate. It's a green tea from Argentina. After drinking a glass of Yerba Mate, cigarette smoke will literally taste like something the cat dragged in from the trash can.

 

[Isabellas2007]

I know this is not really an herbal remedy, but you may want to suggest the Electronic cigarettes. These have worked for a number of my friends who used to smoke. However, it can be pricey at times, but it is a great alternative to having to pay for treatments for lung cancer all the time.

 

[SoftRain]

This is tough. I would tell him your concerns and go from there. Perhaps you two can brainstorm quitting strategies. If he doesn't want to quit, however, then there isn't anything you can do about that.

 

[Suzie]

I really don't think there is much you are able to do than express your concern in a non-threatening way. A smoker will quit when a smoker is ready to quit.

 

[moondrop]

I'm a smoker who quit for several months, then started again when my mother died. The other posters are correct. For the sake of honesty, you should tell him how you feel. However, once you've expressed your feelings, you would need to let it go. If you aren't able to accept that he may not want to quit, then you need to figure out if it is worth it for you to continue the relationship.

There are a lot of herbs that are supposed to help alleviate withdrawal symptoms if he does want to quit. St. John's wort, lobelia, catnip, and peppermint are rumored to be helpful for various side effects of quitting.

 

[lettuce]

That is rather odd that he is a vegan but smokes. There's nothing you can do but be supportive if and when he decides to quit (and drop subtle hints that kissing him can be off-putting at times). If you fight him on this, it could end up wrecking your relationship.

 

[chabella]

I dated a non-smoker when I was a smoker many years ago, and I never smoked in front of him. This was even the case when I would visit (with him) his parents house and his mother was a smoker. Its something only you can decide for yourself. I can tell you that after not smoking for almost three years and trying everything on the market, a smoker will only quit when they are ready to so. Do not think its something you can force him into doing (for you, for him or anyone else).

 

[TheCause]

Ok, him being a vegan you are in better shape than most people!
As stated, if he doesn't want to quit, he isn't going to. Here is how I would approach it.

Show him videos on youtube about how much tar is in one pack of cigarettes. Find a good one on your own before you show it to him. There are certain tests, where you take a puff but dont inhale, then you blow the smoke through a piece of toilet paper or something. A lot of tar will stick to the toilet paper. I would still find a good scientific video that shows exactly how much tar is in one pack though.

Then I would get him to agree with you. Just tell him, "LOOK! This obviously isn't healthy. I mean seriously, what do you think is even in that tar?" Anything you want, just make sure he agrees with you.

Now here is what I did to stop smoking. I used to smoke 1 pack a day. I set a goal, get down to 15 a day. It took about 2 weeks of constantly going from 16, to 20, to 19, to 20, to 17 etc. etc. before I finally got to where I averaged out at 15. Then, after staying there for awhile, I set another goal of ten. Same process, 14, 15,12 etc. After a week or two, I hit 10. It felt sooo good to hit 10 for the first time. Some days you might go up to 11 or 12, or even back to 15. Just keep with it. Same process, got down to 5. Same process got down to a couple a day. Then I quit. After a few weeks I didn't even want to smoke hardly. I gave in one day and smoked another one. I realized then HOW STUPID THEY WERE! That is the perfect time to never pick another one up again.

Much like anything in life, it is a process, and if you break it down to baby steps, you get more accomplished and at a quicker rate too.

 

[SteveBrad]

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[shaunche]

I could never date someone who smokes, no matter how beautiful and wonderful she is, I just couldn't do it. The smell repulses me and 3 of my family members have been killed by smoking. Tell him straight, he needs to consider you because if affects you.

 

[fallace]

Being the girlfriend puts you in a bad position to confront him, although a several-packs-a-day habit is very serious. You may consider asking his family for help to convince him to quit, or at least cut down.